i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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