you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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