weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize