you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
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