Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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