one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
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turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
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I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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