I'd wear matching sweaters with you
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize