my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I pour the whiskey from now on
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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