it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He passed out mid-signature
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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