well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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