In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
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Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize