I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
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why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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