Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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