Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Did we literally take a cab across the street
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I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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