My first STD was from a foam party
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
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