that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
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