No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I wish I only lived at night.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
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Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
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I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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