It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
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There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
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How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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