If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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