What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize