i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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