If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
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