my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
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