she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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