He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
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Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
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I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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