You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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