Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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