Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
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I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
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My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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