need another drink. this is the easiest way
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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