I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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