corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize