So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Be still, my beating vagina.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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