if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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