he looks like a really good dad on facebook
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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