I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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