my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
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I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
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he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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