we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
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I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
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I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I did not marry a roomba.
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