Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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