so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
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nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
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He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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