i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
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He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
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After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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