"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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