All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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