I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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