Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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