I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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