is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize