I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
we made out on top of his cat.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
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The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
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I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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