you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
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I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
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steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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