He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize