Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize